I think the last time i posted anything was around new years day, so will update today.
Over the last few weeks, i’ve been reflecting a lot on the idea that, in my life, everybody leaves me sooner or later. A depressing thought, i know, but i have no reason to believe that it isn’t true. All of my friends from days long since past have gone. They are no longer really a part of my life, for all intents and purposes. The only time i hear from some of them, is on social media, and its only if they want something from me. Which is rather a black-and-white way of looking at things.So what – you don’t like it, you can sue me.
A few weeks back, this really got to me, because i still had it in my head that somehow it was my fault that they wanted nothing to do with me. but i feel as if i’ve turned a corner with that, I think it was yesterday, at the gym, or maybe the day before, i found myself thinking about it in a moment of clarity where i finally realised that it wasn’t my fault – in fact, over all of years it was me constantly making the journey to wherever they were, to suit them. I was their friend…when it suited them. And now, because it no longer suits them, we’re no longer friends, or certainly no longer as close as we once were. They can blame me all they like, for whatever reason they choose…
But thats not my fault. I’m, in fact, a lot happier on my own – no-one can hurt me if i’m on my own, other than myself…and i’m not the kind of person who will bring harm on themselves to make life more exciting. In fact, i take a lot of care of myself, i openly acknowledge to myself how i’m feeling, what i’m feeling, and try to turn it into a positive, something that can be used to learn from. Whereas some of my former peers are not mature enough in themselves to realise that. Well, pardon my french, fuck them. Friends that i do still have in my life are still there for a reason – because they put the work in and deserve my loyalty and generosity.
I’m actually really glad that i got that off my chest. I should do that more often.
been a while since i did a daily prompt.
the last picture(s) i took where on my phone, last week, when i went to see Queen and Adam Lambert at the Glasgow SSE Hydro. Queen are my favourite band , and i saw them touring with Paul Rodgers in 2008. So, i was thrilled to get to see them touring a second time. and it seemed to be one of those occasions that i needed to mark it by taking some pictures. They were on my phone, so they’re not of the best quality, but the one that is, was a shot of Freddie Mercury back in the bands rise to fame in the mid 70’s.
They are one of a handful of groups that i’ll always nail my colours to the mast for.
oh, and the gig totally blew me away.
with the start of this new year, 2015, its time to welcome in the changes that i want to undergo this year.
It’s easy to make a new years resolution, and not so easy to stick to it cos you fall back into old or bad habits. I’ll be turning 30 in a few months, which makes me more determined and motivated to make sure that i make these changes to myself for my betterment – i’m only going to get older. if i’m working out in the gym, i’m not going to get any faster – cos getting older to me, means that i’ll start to lose a bit of pace or stamina physically. but it doesn’t have to be that way – it often isn’t, as i think my stubbornness and sheer bloody will power helps me overcome quite a lot. I’m not having a crisis about my age – i do have my own private concerns about what i haven’t accomplished in my time already, but thats nothing new. i’ve had them for a few years.
i’m comfortable enough with myself now to accept a lot of things about myself, that i haven’t previously liked.
Its only now that i’m motivated enough to do something about it.
and i can do it, cos i don’t need to depend on anyone else to stir me into action. In that respect, people will let you down. i may moan about it a lot, but its a positive to being lonely – you get a lot of things done. And you can largely avoid being let down, by being a bit of a loner – the only person you will let down is yourself. when that does happen, you can look at what can be done better next time, without having to worry about what it means for anybody else.
2015 could end up being the game changing chapter in the ‘book’. if i want it to be.