good days and bad days

i read another blog on here, where the writer was talking about how they want certain things to be once they’re gone.

it got me thinking about my own thoughts on the same situation.
Admittedly, in my time left here, i’d like to make a difference to somebody.
But i don’t want people to be upset about it, when its all over. because it’s likely that by then, i’ll be ready for it. thats not something i have any control over but i stand by it. i don’t think i’m worth shedding tears over, to be entirely honest. it needs to be thought of in context – for any positive influence i may have on anyone else’s life, i’ll also have had my bad points – as i’d be the first to admit that i can be a horrible and miserable person, a real piece of shit.

i’m not in the best frame of mind right now – i may have alluded on here towards having dark moods (my ‘bad days’)… it wouldn’t be unwelcome, is what i’m saying. i have no use, no apparent purpose. i’m not making the most of the most valuable ‘gift’ i’ve been given. i never asked to be here.

but anyway, this is all my thoughts – at this current moment – about a day far off in the future. my outlook can and will change – i just don’t think things look too bright right now. i don’t mean to cause offence or upset to anyone on here who might read this, and be affected by what i’ve said. i want to make that abundantly clear.


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