that feels much better…

after a long journey, soon as the front door to the house is unlocked,

i’m upstairs, in my room, fully clothed LYING IN MY OWN BED.

there is nothing quite like the feeling of lying in your own bed, when you’re jet-lagged, hungry, seriously tired and…if you’re like me, not the greatest of travellers – very prone to travel sickness. so lying in my own space for a few hours is the one way to bring me back to my best. the system reverts back to normal – stillness after all that stopping and waiting, and flying, sitting on a plane for hours, arriving back home from the airport.

whether you’re on holiday, on a weekend away, even staying overnight at a friends after one too many drinks….the bed is never quite as satisfying as the one waiting for you at home.



if time and money were not an issue, i’d love to do a road trip in the u.s.
obviously do something on route 66, so i could say that i had.

would also like to do the drive between L.A. and las vegas.

as far as road trips go, i think the U.S OF A has it all sewn up. it’s a country that, from an outsiders perspective, has a real sense of opportunity and adventure to it.

i’d love to go travelling properly, my dad did it when he was younger.
i’d be best doing it while i’m relatively young, and have no real responsibilities. no wife, girlfriend or kids, not having to pay a mortgage or monthly bills.

somebody to watch over me…

i really wish that i meant something to somebody. i feel sometimes like i barely register on my parents/familys radar…i do realise that my point of view is biased, and coloured by my own lack of confidence and belief in myself.
the one person who used to show an active interest is no longer with us ( and that was possibly the most depressing sentence i think i’ve ever written).

truth be told, i’ve felt miserable all day and the only thing that i feel is worth ‘bragging’ about is that i mowed most of the grass in the back garden – i did a good deed for someone.

i’m not in a good frame of mind tonight – i best leave it here before i say something i regret.

getting older

i’m going to write todays post in the form of a letter i’ve written to myself as a child.

” dear Alan…

if i’m going to be honest, being grown up is overrated. i’m not going to give you too much guidance – there are things that you’ll need to learn the hard way, through experience. it will get hard…but you’ll manage just fine. things will get a bit lonely, but you’ll make some good friends over the years, and they’ll stand you in good stead. i wish what i had to say could be a bit more encouraging, but like i’ve already said – you’ll manage, you’ll be fine.

you’ll secretly be proud of the way you turn out.

behave yourself, and don’t let the bastards grind you down.

from You, aged 29. ”

Middle Seat

i think in that situation – i’d have to see how i felt on the day.
on a bad day, i’d be looking for quiet so i’d look for a different seat elsewhere. on a good day, it’s more likely to be non-committal small talk. cos sometimes company is nice, even if it just small talk.

i’d be just as happy sitting on my own though, getting lost in my own thoughts…i prefer being a loner, because the majority of the time people will let you down. at least you aren’t going to let yourself down at the last minute.

‘oh…is that the time? i better go get my train’
‘…you’re on a train’
‘yeah….'(i wander away hoping that that bizarre break in the conversation has thrown them off pursuing any further chat)

i can’t watch…

i can’t remember when it was exactly – 2 months ago, maybe – i was watching an episode of Louie, where he’s met a woman in a bookstore and they’re out on a date, but she’s a bit of a live wire. the end of the episode comes after a conversation on a rooftop where louies date sits on the ledge of the building, and louie is petrified that she’s going to fall or even worse jump, as that is kind of where the conversation is leading. the thought of it, the way it was filmed and my genuine fear of heights was making it quite uncomfortable to watch. i had to turn away from the screen – it was creating a feeling of fear to the level that it was making me feel queasy.