had an unusually positive day at work today…still waiting for something to go wrong, and i’ve been home for 2 hours.
truth be told, most of today i’ve been a bit hung up all day. I’m going through one of my periods of having a crush (if thats all that it is ) on a close female friend of mine. my feelings for any women i’ve liked tend come and go in fits and bursts. i happen to know that this girl in particular (call her what she is – a woman, she is 25 years old after all) hasn’t had the most positive of effects on me throughout my time of knowing her. i’ve basically had a crush on her from the moment i met her, and that was 7 years ago. it could have turned into something back in the earlier years, but apparently i was ” too nervous”. i can’t help it if thats the way she made me feel. it didn’t happen and there was a while where i really resented her for a while – with what i feel is and was good reason. it’s a long story, for another day.
anyway, i go through long spells of not feeling anything for her but friendship, but occasionally i’ll indulge myself and pretend that it could still go somewhere, and have a while where i think about her all the time, but keeping my feelings to myself.
why would i want to embarrass myself, after all, and go through more heartache by acting on it?
end of the day, you can’t help the way you feel about someone – you don’t really have much of a choice in the women that you’re attracted to, physically and emotionally. it happens, and as a man, you just have to deal with it.
still, maybe it could go somewhere…no-one knows what the future holds.
it’s not like i have a huge leather bound book of choices though…and like i’ve said, you can’t help how you feel about someone.