rip it up and start again…

i signed up to WordPress months ago, haven’t really used it yet. but it might be a decent forum for me to start getting things off my chest.

i’m not happy at work, i’m worried about college and wondering if i’ve made the right decision (i don’t think i have, is what i’m really saying), i’m lonely, i think i’m depressed and slipping into that place again where i’m going to need help, and need to talk to someone.
am having vague thoughts that i would be better off…not being around.
i couldn’t do that though….the only thing that stops me from giving it serious thought is that it would hurt my family, and i am all about family. my family are the ones that are always around, there for me in my bad days. not like my friends – who’ve either dropped me for ‘more preferable company’ or isolated me for reasons known best to themselves. well, fuck you if that applies – who needs you. i know who i mean something to. i just don’t always have the belief or the energy to be ‘on’ all the time, and let them know how much they mean to me, cos apparently theres something wrong with letting people know that you care for them or hold them in really high regard. everything has to go through a filter – where you can say exactly what you mean, but not quite. complex, eh? thats being british for you though…

i suppose though, silver lining of it all is that it makes me far from being a boring bastard.

i’ll be back on soon to update, i reckon. i should make blogging my hobby.
Ta,
Alan

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